Thank you Al Gore!

Dear Al Gore,

I wanted to take this opportunity to express my extreme appreciation for you and everything you stand for. As the inventor of the internet, you probably get a large amount of fan mail. This however is a little different. You are an icon of all that is right and holy in my mind. And as your very own guardian, I wanted to introduce myself as 1337h4x0rz.

I have been obsessing over your accomplishment of creating the internet for some time. It has given me and so many others the opportunity to do things never before possible. Thanks do you Mr. Gore, I can now hide behind the guise of my cable modem and take part in things that would give me the death penalty in any sane country.

Here are some of things I am thankful for.

1.   Thank you Al Gore for allowing me to trash talk my adversaries behind the protection of the internet.
2.   Thank you Al Gore for making it possible for me to take part in murders and beatings without ever leaving the comfort of my own room. Online shooters and hack’em up’s are allowing me to live out my fantasies of brutality from the comfort of my home, and I can do it all before dinner.
3.   Thank you so much for giving me the freedom to take part in every form of sickness without my parents knowing about it.
4.   Thank you for providing me a means to pirate music and steal software. If it weren’t for you, I’d be in prison for thievery and 300 pounds lighter.
5.   Thank you for giving me the opportunity to fulfill my sickest sexual fantasies before the age of 15. It is thanks to you that my little sister is pregnant at the age of 11 and my mind is FUBAR and I will never respect women properly.
6.   Thank you Mr. Gore for giving child molesters and murders a convenient way to sniff out unsuspecting youth. As we all know, the internet is about speed, ease of use, and efficiency. Kudos to you!
7.   And thank you most of all, for helping me estrange myself from my family and friends. If it weren’t for you, I may actually have a life and be doing something productive instead of being in my fortress of solitude plotting my next deviant act with the help of the greatest tool in the world.
8.   Thank you Al Gore, for creating the internet.

It is clear to see why you are revered by all and respected by even more. You clearly are a visionary and have made this world a better place for all the right reasons and for all the right people.

Some people didn’t believe you created the internet; I’ve since eradicated that problem. It is clear to see that only a man as great as yourself would ever be able to devise something so incredibly useful and so absolutely perfect.

Thank you so much for changing the way the world works.

- 1337h4x0rz